The Old White Van passed away last month surrounded by her onlooking family. She was "well" taken care of by her father Jimmy and was known for her hard working qualities and personality "quirks." Jimmy, his worried crew, and her spent many a day on studio backlots and commercial film shoots together. She was often mistaken as a serial killer or molester van, but little did people know she was actually filled to the rim with tasty crafty snacks and doughnut holes. There were often days we all thought she might not start. But then she would surprise us and rev her engine even without keys.
In her retirement years, little Oscar became especially fond of her. He often enjoyed slamming his tricycle into her sides and rubbing her filthy tires with his hands.
We will always remember above all else "She was paid off."
The Old White Van is survived by her patient mother Anne, really sad brother Oscar, and crazy father Jimmy, who immediately replaced her with a rad new suburban with TVs inside.